The Power of a Relational Approach

This week, I watched two members of our team rolling around on the floor with one of our young people, locked in a dramatic “battle” over a water bottle. There was laughter, gentle grappling, big emotions and absolute safety. They were playing rough but with clear trust and boundaries on both sides.

A year ago, that moment would have been impossible.

At that time, this same young person would have hurt staff during moments of dysregulation and over stimulation. We couldn’t even offer a reassuring hand on his shoulder without him hitting out, not because he was “aggressive,” but because a physical connection had never felt safe to him. Regulated play didn’t exist. Trust didn’t exist.

The water bottle "battle"

Watching that scene unfold reminded me just how unique and powerful our relational approach truly is. That playful moment didn’t happen by accident. It happened because of years of slow, patient relational work. Moments of co-regulation, consistency and unconditional care stacked on top of each other until safety became real for him.

He can now play rough without hurting. He can use our safe word “Lemons” when the intensity becomes too much. He can stop, step away, and regulate himself. And here’s the best part, while all of that emotional growth has been unfolding, something equally extraordinary has happened…He’s learning.

Not on our timetable, on his. He’s beginning to read. He’s engaging with basic maths. He’s becoming curious, confident, and showing pride in his achievements. This learning didn’t start when we pushed academics, it began when we built safety. Everything we do begins and ends with relationships.

Every young person we work with arrives carrying a story. For many, their experiences of education have been shaped by trauma, exclusion, and repeated feelings of failure or misunderstanding. School hasn’t always felt safe. Compliance hasn’t always been possible. Trust has often been broken.

So we start somewhere different.

Before learning can happen, trust must be rebuilt one relationship at a time. We don’t work on young people. We work with them. We don’t fix behaviour, we build connections.

Our staff are exceptional in the way they form relationships with young people. They are experts in co-regulation and trauma-informed relational strategies. When a child is overwhelmed, adults don’t retreat, they step closer. Regulation is shared long before self-regulation is expected. Calm is given, not demanded.

We spend time reflecting on the quality of our relationships:

• Does each young person truly feel known, valued, and safe with us?

• When emotions rise or uncertainty hits, are we responding with calm reassurance rather than urgency or judgement?

• Are we available to help regulate when a child can’t manage alone yet?

• Do we meet challenges with curiosity asking “What’s happening for you?” instead of “What have you done wrong?”

• Do our interactions feel warm, respectful, and emotionally connected?

  
  

These questions don’t live on a policy document, they shape our daily practice.

Putting Emotional Readiness Before Academic Readiness

We intentionally place our emotional curriculum above academic testing. Emotional safety, regulation, confidence, and relational trust are the true foundations of learning. Without them, academic progress simply can’t take root. That doesn’t mean our young people can’t learn, they absolutely can. It means some are not ready yet, and that “yet” deserves patience, not pressure. Trauma delays readiness, not ability.

The moment I witnessed this week is proof of that. Play became regulation. Regulation became safe. Safety unlocked curiosity and curiosity reopened the door to learning.The chain of events I observed this week perfectly illustrates this: Play led to regulation, which fostered safety. That sense of safety unlocked curiosity, and curiosity, in turn, reopened the door to learning.

A moment of true co-regulation

Truly Individual Learning

We’ve given autonomy back to our teachers to build genuine individual learning pathways for each child. No rigid scripts. No one-size-fits-all targets. Education plans are shaped around emotional development, interests, and readiness and definitely not arbitrary benchmarks.

Progress to us might first look like:

• Trusting an adult.

• Staying regulated during play.

• Asking for help.

• Walking away before escalation.

  
  

Those milestones matter as much as reading scores or maths outcomes, because they create the conditions where academic learning becomes possible. When young people are ready, they rise - just like the child wrestling joyfully for a water bottle instead of pushing people away.

Relationship Is Our Curriculum

That moment on the floor this week said more than any data set or test score ever could.

It showed what becomes possible when relationships lead the work. It showed what happens when safety replaces survival. It showed how emotional growth fuels academic progress. We don’t just teach subjects. We build relationships and through those relationships, we give young people back their safety, their confidence and their right to learn at a pace that finally feels possible.

Stephen